Friday, April 3, 2009

Sometimes it's just hard

Sometimes it's just hard being a Mom.  I've had one of those weeks.  You know, one of those weeks were you just need a break.  Where everything starts to get to you.  I mean seriously, how many times can I change a poopey diaper in a day or break up really silly fights that almost put me over the edge.  Why do they have to pour out all of the shoes from the shoe basket, all over the floor every time I pick them up.  This week I'm just tired of the same old, same old.  I'm tired of figuring out what's for dinner or snack or breakfast or lunch.  I'm tired of being the only one that can wipe just about every bottom in this house.  (Thankfully my husband and the cat, can do this for themselves.)   I'm tired of all the laundry.   I'm tired of cleaning the kitchen.  I'm tired of disciplining my children.  I'm tired of them getting in trouble for the same things over and over and over again.  I'm tired of getting five people ready in the morning if we have to go somewhere.  And after I've picked out every body's clothes, they have decided they absolutely will not wear that outfit.   I'm tired of being squished and pinched. (Accidentally of course.)  I'm tired of having four kids fighting over who's gonna sit in my lap.  Why isn't two in my lap and one on each side good enough?  I'm tired of being the booger collector.  I'm tired of them fighting over who gets the Cinderella cup.  I'm tired of never getting a moment of peace when I'm going to the bathroom or taking a shower.  I'm tired of it being windy outside.  I'm tired of trying to come up with fun and exciting things to do everyday, and then my five year old tells me she's bored.   I'm tired of being alone with my kids until 6:30-7:00 p.m until my husband gets home.  And then it's time to put them to bed and I have to wake up and do it all over again.  AHHHHHH!  (I could go on and on.)  

Have you ever had one of those weeks?  I think every mom, even if you have one, two or ten kids, has had one of those weeks.  Even if you are that mom who actually gets dressed in real clothes and puts on make-up everyday, you have had one of those days.   I don't like to be negative, because it's bothers me when people say, "Well maybe you should of thought about that BEFORE you had four kids so close in age."  I can handle this and I am a good mother, but sometimes it's just hard.  This job is really hard.

I think the worst part of all this, is the guilt.  The guilt I feel for admitting that sometimes I don't have it all together.  That sometimes, maybe God made a mistake for gifting me with my children.  That maybe my almost losing it with them, makes me the worst mother out there.  I then find comfort in knowing that just about every mom feels this way at some point.  I am not the only one!  

Here's what I try to do, to keep my sanity:

1. Take a very, very long and deep breath

2. Have some thing to look forward too, after they go to bed (Like going to Target by myself, or making a fun dessert for Josh and I, or watching a movie I want to watch.)

3. Find an outlet, some thing that makes me feel like me again  (My love for photography is really great therapy.)

4. Take some time for me (The more kids I have the more I realize that I need time to myself.  I wish I had taken more time for myself when I had only one or two kids.  Back when I thought I didn't need it. )  

5. I joined MOPS  (Your kids get to sing songs and do crafts with some one else, while you visit with other really cool and stressed out moms.  We eat and talk and it's a wonderful break almost every other week.  I have to say that the moms at my table are the coolest, kindest, craziest moms and I would have never of met them if I hadn't of joined MOPS.)

6.  I try to take a moment to put things in perspective  (Like being thankful that my kids are healthy.  Being thankful that I don't have 10 kids.)

7.  Remember that my kids are not always going to be small  (I know I'm gonna miss seeing them with their pacifiers and pigtails.  I'm gonna miss hearing "I love you" from Savanna 10 times a day.  I'm gonna miss having a say in what they wear.  Let's not flash forward to when they are teenagers, I just might lose it. )

8.  Take comfort in knowing that God knows my heart and has a very unique plan for my children and our family.


P.S.  I'm sorry to sound so crazy, but I really feel better now!       

8 comments:

Threeblacklabs said...

Oh please tell me someone didn't actually say "Well maybe you should of thought about that BEFORE you had four kids so close in age." I don't even have to tell you how much a I agree with you, you already know. I think I just posted about this. I feel guilty and don't want to be negative but it's hard to avoid the obvious. Again, I am glad to hear you are normal, like me. Thank you for posting about this and also posting tips on keeping your sanity. These are really good. And photography is therapy...very well put.

Happy McNally Mom said...

You are so not crazy. You are such a wonderful mom and I think it is so important that for us to be good mommies we need to be open and honest so other mommies know it is O.K. when they are having one of those days, weeks, months, or maybe even years. I can't wait to see in very soon and we can take some alone mommy time. Talk to you soon. Love you.

Brian said...

Well, you should have thought about that before you had 4 kids so close together...Just kidding. I just wanted to say I love you and that no matter what condition in life there is always stress. I have no children yet I feel really stressed out as of late. I don't regret you having 4 little bundles of joy!!! Those are my nieces and I wouldn't give them up for the world!!! P.S. Sorry we haven't been able to visit. This summer hopefully that will open up some. Hang in there.

Denise said...

Ohhhhh, I SO get this post…and am there on a regular basis (along with the guilt, thank you very much). The truth is that no one knows what having kids is like until they…guess what…have kids! There is no ‘you should have known before’ because there is no way to possibly have known. If you had four different kids than you do – shoot, if one were different – then is would be a whole other scenario than what you’ve got! So forget about that. We know (and I know you know this, too) that God doesn’t make mistakes. We know that He knew us before we were even knit together. We know that He knew who we’d be blessed with and He knew that these beautiful brunettes and redheads were to be yours, and you theirs. So enough about mistakes. I think that even if you had 1,000 Cinderella cups, the kids would all want the SAME one. Probably for no other reason then it gets a reaction from mommy when they squabble (they’re clever that way, kids are). The monotony of motherhood will about do in a sane person. So I’ve found.

So…

1. be sure to spend time on yourself AWAY from your little beauties. You’re on to something…the need for time away is certainly multiplied by the number of short ones running about your home. Schedule it. Bring the kids to a friend’s house and then do the same for her one day.

2. Don’t just join a group like MOPS. Get involved…really involved. I don’t say this because I am looking for a replacement (tho I am), but because MOPS works. You are not in this alone. MOPS shows you that…and you’re right, there you will meet THE coolest, craziest, REAL women (who happen to be mommies) who are struggling with hard days JUST like you! And even better yet, in showing them that you sometimes struggle…they will share theirs and together (and over a great potato casserole or silpat-baked brownies) you will figure it out. And the being involved part just helps it work better!

3. Keep breathing. The alternative rots. Ha! Take more pictures of those precious girlies of yours (and be sure to keep plenty of the ‘future bribery shots’ – those are the MOST fun)…those are the memories you will have years down the road…not so much the booger collecting or fights for your lap. Surround yourself with others like you (there IS strength in numbers)…at worst you won’t be alone and at best…well, you won’t be alone!

Chin up…there are better days ahead! ; )

Was I redundant? Oh well, it’s been a rough week around here, too.

Sarah Hille said...

I totally get you! I am no where near where you are right now, but I completely get the "guilt" of mothering... am I doing enough? too much? Why do I feel guilty to spend 10 minutes alone?
I have also found photography an excellent therapy, as well as a workout called Zumba...
I think if you tried to smile and pretend your life is full of perfection you'd be doing everyone an injustice... I'm glad to know that the difficulties compound with each child, but so does the happiness!

erinss01 said...

Man you have no idea that this was my week like that too. I felt every word in your blog in my body. I hear you girl and I only have one. It becomes exhausting. You know, if we as mom's got paid for this job we would make an average 98,000 a year. Maybe more depending on how many children we have. Michele, I had a horrible week. I wanted so much to have you girls over for some conversation and food and my poor body wounldn't let me and for that I am sorry.
I just wanted to say that, gosh I feel your pain. So, here is what I have to say. Sometimes I can get to personal and either offend someone or make them feel uncomfortable but I must let you all know that when I am feeling overwhelmed and sad, I feel like I can tell anyone. Lately, with Jarin being sick and not really having Jason around so much cause of school, work and last weekend's retreat, I have been feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I cry at everything or I get angry at times and I say: "God, what do you want me to do." It hit me like a ton of bricks; I need to change they way I react. Try not to be so negative and wallow in self pitty. Instead be positive and know that the Lord will get me through this 5minute emotional tantrum. I have been trying to figure out what my next step is and a Child of Christ, a wife and a mother and it is to rethink the way I think! I can't storm off to pout and I can't be angry and show it. However, I can talk my way through it with whom I need to express my feelings towards and have a better outcome. Wow, growing up is harder sometimes then I must admit. LOL! Your in my prayers. .

kristi said...

oh wow... I have so been there. it can be really hard at times. i think my hardest time is that my husband travels for work and is gone weeks at a time. there is no time for myself. we don't live near any family. so for those weeks he is away, it is completely me 24/7. sometimes i do lose it and feel so bad about it. but we make up for it. it is so good to know i am not alone! :)
thanks for posting this.

Mamabear said...

Thank you so much for writing this post. I could say more but sometimes THANK YOU is saying more.